"There's something I need you to know about me..."

"There's something I need you to know about me."

So began several messages I sent to friends and acquaintances as I began my transition. The thing I needed them to know was that I was a transgender woman, a male to female transsexual. After too many years living as a male, I was finally accepting this fact and I wanted people to finally know the real me. And I also hoped that they would accept me.

While it was a good decision and I've never been more at peace, there are lots of things that are hard for trans women. And by hard, I mean very terrifyingly painfully gut-wrenchingly I-don't-know-if-I-can-do-this hard.

The hardest thing for many of us is to even admit we are trans. We deny it, we grasp at explanations that will prove we aren't trans, we self medicate with alcohol and other drugs, and we try to ignore it in the hope it will just go away. And when we finally realize it won't go away, we (least those of us who are female identified) have to push aside a lifetime of internalized misogyny and transphobia to painfully come to that admission. We have to admit that we are in fact what we have been taught to believe is the "lowest of the low" - not just a woman, but someone who couldn't handle being a man, and chose to live as a woman.

If admitting we're trans is the hardest part, the second hardest thing is what comes next - if we're going to transition we need to come out to our families, friends, and coworkers. I used to think of how easy transitioning would be if I didn't have to tell anyone. But I also knew that wouldn't be living a real life. And it's not just family, friends, and co-workiers. We also need to come out to our doctors, lawyers, neighbors, and even the librarian and the guy at the rental car counter.

So I came out to a lot of people before and shortly after my transition. I even developed a system for it. I had a blog post that told the basic story and when I needed to tell someone I would send an email or IM directing them there. But having a system didn't mean it ever got easier. Every time, I would pause, take a deep breath, and say goodbye to that person in my mind. Then I would hit 'send' and wait. I hoped that they would accept me, but I didn't expect it. Every single time I sent that message it felt like a farewell.

Almost always it wasn't a farewell. Most times the answers, your answers, came back full of warmth, support, and friendship. And to be honest, that helped me when I needed it most. After waking up at 4 am to lie in bed worrying about the future, getting up and reading your messages warmed me and fed me.

I never got over that dread of potential loss as I sent those coming out messages. But in fact coming out, or your responses to it, was a major positive force in my transition.

And that's why I want to share some of those stories. I want to share them with people who are yearning to transition, but are so scared of telling people, and with people who are in the process of transitioning and are lying awake worrying. People can and will accept and support you.

I also want to share these stories with non-trans people who've just gotten a coming out message from someone they never suspected and are now groping for a how and a why to guide their answer. Don't worry about saying something "wrong". A sincere and thoughtful message of support will mean the world to the person who just trusted you with this news, and who is now wondering if they've lost you.